Self-Indulgence and the Bald Woman

I'm totally bald. Fourteen days after my first chemo treatment, my hair began to fall out. To make life easier, I had the rest shaved. At first, it was weird and awesome! No more lengthy moments in the bathroom trying to get my hair 'just right.' I found an additional 15 minutes a day! 

But now, two months later, bald sucks. I'm always cold. I'm tired of hats and scarves. My head itches. People stare at me when I'm not wearing a hat. My head screams, "HEY! LOOK AT ME! I HAVE CANCER!" Well, I actually don't have cancer anymore, I just might have cancer cells waiting to join up again. 

I feel...ugly. 

I dream of hair. Long, luscious hair. Combing my hair. The wind tousling my hair. It's a bit shocking when I wake up and find out I'm still...bald. 

So I've decided to indulge myself. Why not? All the money I'm saving on hair cuts, dyes, and products is now going to scalp treatments. Apparently, bald women (and men, I assume) can have scalp treatments that include scalp massage. Wow. I almost hate the idea of having hair if it means I have to give up someone massaging my scalp. Actually, I'd rather have hair. 

But anyway. Today I indulged in a facial. For some women, I assume that's not a big deal, but it is for me. See, chemo drugs are drying my skin, and I think I'm too young to have the latest and greatest wrinkles. So I indulged. 

I laid there, feeling guilty for paying an outrageous sum of money for someone to rub my face, and tried to relax. Cancer carries a lot of stress with it. I wrestled with my guilt for nearly an hour, but I'm glad I indulged. We cancer patients have to sometimes do things that make us feel good about ourselves because we spend so much time hurting and thinking about cancer, doctor's appointments, chemo side effects. 

So today, I the Bald Woman indulged in a facial. 

And it was worth it. 

 #boundtobebald #breastcancersux #chemohair #breastcancer